“This Sam is more stubborn than I expected.
This tasty Spam has he rejected!”
thought the critter in his head.
“Would you eat it with Wonderbread?”
At this Sam was most bemused,
for the Spam that he had refused
suddenly was looking yummy,
now that Sam was getting hungry.
“I will eat it with Wonderbread!
I will not starve. I’ll eat instead!”
At this the critter shrieked with glee,
“My first sale! Give me money!”
Sam reached deep into his groin
and came back with a single coin.
He showed it to the little critter
whose face then turned from sweet to bitter.
“You have nothing but a single dime?
Why have you wasted all my time?!
Don’t you know, this shit ain’t free!
I’ll find someone who’ll pay my fee.”
The critter spat on Sam and kicked him
and left to find another victim.
“But wait, little critter, don’t go!
I’ll pay you with some snow!”
“I will not, cannot accept your snow.
I’ve told you once, I tell you no!”
But Sam was hungry, so he pleaded
for the sandwich which he so needed,
“I’ll pay with stones, I’ll give you beads!
I’ll give anything for the Spam I need!”
“I cannot take your beads, I do not want your stones!
Now go away, and leave me alone!”
“Will you take my MasterCard?
Can I pay you with some lard?
Maybe you would like some drugs?
Or maybe I can pay with bugs?”
“I do not accept MasterCard.
I cannot let you pay with lard.
I do not like illicit drugs.
I have no use for squirmy bugs.”
“I’ll pay with love! I’ll pay with sex!
I’ll even give you cigarettes!”
For Spam I would tear out my heart,
or any other body part.”
“What will it take to make you stop?
Leave me be! I’ll call a cop!”